Okay, I know you are all waiting for the mooshie stuff. Let me see if I can portray the transformation I had throughout our whole visit to Arizona.
The first week of being in Arizona was pretty hard on me. I was surrounded by people I love and people who would do just about anything for me. A number of these people, I have only developed deep relationships with them, within the last couple years. These are people that I can be so..... real with and feel like I will not be treated any differently despite my oddities and imperfections. These are people I can tell my concerns to about my boys' health, but they have no hesitations to tell me about their difficulties in their families. Some people fear discussing their struggles as they feel our struggles are far more difficult and they don't want to bring me down. I love being on that level of feeling normal despite not having a very "normal" life. To sum it all up, I feel so comfortable in Arizona and it was simply bitter sweet. Getting to experience what I have missed for over a year, yet knowing that I would have to go back and decide whether I wanted to try to develop relationships on the Big Island, or wait until God moved us to a place where we can set up roots.
Prior to vacationing in Arizona, Joshua was searching like crazy for a job on the mainland. We were not making it financially and a big reason for us being in Arizona, was because the health care in Hawaii is about 10 years behind and we needed to see some doctors who actually see patients with Cystic Fibrosis more than once every 6 months or so.
Therefore, I was basically of the mindset of lets get out of Hawaii ASAP and start setting up roots anywhere, as long as it is on the mainland. Okay, not anywhere, we have to think of lots of things when it comes to the boys' health. We would want to be close to a good CF center, we would want to have not too much, but not too little humidity. We would want to be close to the salty ocean air. We would need to make a lot more money to be able to afford the boys health care needs, or a lot less to qualify for state aid.
Okay, back to being in Arizona and me pretty much just having a little pity party. At first, I was just plain old sad about the relationships I am missing out on, living in Hawaii. I was really calling out to God, just asking what I needed to do for us to move on and to move into our ideal living situation.
I came to realize, that I was trying to take hold of the wheel, so to speak, and direct God where I wanted to go. I wasn't looking at the bigger picture. I wouldn't say that I wasn't trusting God, I just wanted to adjust His timing a little. I was reminded, that God has a plan for placing us in Hawaii and his timing is perfect. I almost instantly changed my whole perspective on things.
My goal has changed from getting out of this place, to seeking out what my purpose is here in Hawaii. I am done biding my time, I am done thinking I don't want to get too close, for fear of having to leave a relationship behind. I want to develop relationships, get involved, knowing that my goal is to change myself for the better and perhaps positively influence someone else in the whole process.
Next up, the tale of the doctor visit and then Part 6 will be a follow up to my change in perspective story...MAN IS GOD GOOD!!!!